The Unimaginable
by Reda
Summary: No parent should ever have to bury their child. No loss can ever compare. No full return to normalcy is ever possible. But...perhaps forgiveness can still exist amid all the despair. [AU where Gohan dies against Cell, instead of Goku] [GoChi]
1. Part 1

**The Unimaginable Part 1/5**

 **Pairing:** Goku x Chi-Chi

 **Words:** 1307

 **AU Divergence Point:** Gohan dies against Cell, instead of Goku

 **A/N:** Goes along with / inspired by my own video which you can find on my youtube channel (Reda1417) under the same name

\- I changed a little detail, namely, took out Goku traveling to New Namek for a new Guardian; aka: no Dende, so yeah, the Earth is left without dragon balls, therefore death is more permanent because they no longer have their wishes..

\- I am planning to update and focus on the High School AU as soon as I finish posting these chapters. I am writing up the final chapter now so it really only took my attention for about a week. It was something I had to do while the inspiration was fresh. Never turn down inspiration. So yeah. For those waiting. High School AU will be the next focus.

~!~

The forest was quiet. No matter how much wildlife filled the air, it was still so quiet. Quieter than he ever remembered it being. Well, no, that was a lie. He could remember another time when everything sounded so distant and empty in the forest. One other time. When he'd awakened as a child to see devastation all around him, when his grandpa had died and left him alone.

Grief was no stranger to him. It had hit him multiple times in his life. All thanks to the death of someone he cared for – from his grandfather to Krillin and everyone in between. He'd usually had something else to focus on, a battle to fight, to keep his thoughts from hitting him too hard, and then there were always the dragon balls. Ever since the dragon balls it had been easier to brush aside that pain. They had wishes. They could be brought back to life. Death wasn't the end of the world anymore.

Until there were no more dragon balls. Until Piccolo fused with Kami and left the Earth without a Namekian Guardian. No more dragon balls. No more dragon. No more wishes.

Now as he let his special cloud take him flying over the forest, Goku replayed the terrifying moment in his mind. The moment when he'd realized his mistake, when he'd been too late to step in, when Cell had taken his son from him. The cries calling for him without saying a coherent word. Piccolo yelling at him for being too prideful, for misreading his own son, for...

He shouldn't have taken the risk. He shouldn't have brought Gohan to the fight with Cell. He should've promised Chi-Chi that he wouldn't let Gohan fight and been done with it.

But…

He'd been so _sure_. So certain that Gohan's latent abilities would break into the next level. After all, he had spent a year training with Gohan alone. He'd seen his son's power; he'd known better than any of them what Gohan was capable of.

And yet…

Goku slouched as he sat on the Nimbus. Frowned as he stared at a familiar old branch far above a familiar waterfall. If he squinted against the reflecting sunlight, he could almost see a young Gohan clinging to the branch and wailing his heart out as he called for his daddy to help him. Goku closed his eyes from the memory.

Grief was no stranger to him. He'd dealt with it so many times throughout his life, but there was always hope. There was always something to promise a brighter outcome, a better day, a wish to erase all the pain.

Now he had nothing. Nothing but memories to keep him company. Memories of the son he had lost because of his own failure to realize the truth until it was too late. Now he was faced with something he didn't know how to handle, and he was falling apart.

~!~

He wasted his days away from the house, only returning when the sky started changing colors. Though his friends assumed he would throw himself into training, the opposite proved to be true. He could barely handle a simple workout without thinking of Gohan and feeling the ever present ache grow at each memory. Instead, he wandered the wilderness, but he still found his way to places that triggered memories. Escaping the pain was impossible.

When he came home, Chi-Chi would have dinner ready as she always did. She threw herself into her cooking, creating large meals whether or not the two of them could handle the amount alone. Goku certainly couldn't eat as much as before, but he did whatever he could to eat everything she handed him when she didn't force him into serving himself. Sometimes she ate with him, but those were rare occasions. Most of the time, she took her food to the bedroom and shut him out.

She never said a word to him.

The silence in the house was worse than the silence in the forest, part of the reason he rarely spent any time at home. He left Chi-Chi alone. As much as he wanted to hold her and work through the grief together, facing her was near impossible now. Her eyes killed him every time. It wasn't so much that she hated him for what had happened, but she _did_ blame him so the hurt and betrayal was always there when she looked at him. He couldn't face it, even though he blamed himself, too.

They spent the nights in awkward silence, neither one facing the other. Sometimes it would suffocate him and he would leave the room to sleep on the couch or outside the house if it was bad enough. On rare occasions, Chi-Chi would roll over in bed and press her face against him as she cried until sleep could take her. On those nights, Goku would let her cling as he rubbed her back and tried to comfort without saying a word. It was one of the few things he could do for her.

When her pregnancy became obvious, he had to wonder how long she had known. At one point, he braved asking. When was she due? Had she contacted a midwife yet? Had she told anyone else?

She glared at him and ignored every question, shuffling away to continue her work. Goku didn't have the heart to push her for answers, but he was still worried about her. He ended up calling Chi-Chi's father and got all the answers and information he needed. Ox-King had been a little bitter toward him at first, but as the weeks and months passed he, at least, let the grudge go, though there was always an air of heated disappointment to his conversations.

Still, Goku learned when the baby was due and he turned his new focus to watching Chi-Chi. He remembered her first pregnancy far too clearly, and accepted all the pain those memories brought with them. But he held the ache inside and watched over his wife every step of the way, whether or not she wanted his attention.

When the baby was born, Goku felt his emotions break down piece by piece with each agonizing moment. No matter how much he worried over Chi-Chi, she still refused to acknowledge him. He was barely allowed to hold his second son when the time came, feeling awkward and unwanted even as he stared down at the boy with the hair that mimicked his own. He wanted to share in the joy and pride of having another child, but holding the little bundle brought back far too many memories for him to work through on his own.

 _Flashes of seeing Gohan for the first time._

 _Of Chi-Chi looking up and smiling at him as she pointed out the tail._

 _Of Chi-Chi leaning against his arm as he sat next to her, holding their son so she could rest._

 _Of Gohan staring at him with wide-eyed amazement and trust and…_

None of which was present this time. His second son didn't have a tail. Chi-Chi didn't smile. They didn't sit next to each other. The boy didn't even look up at him – he just cried, ate, and then fell asleep without a second glance.

Tears hit his eyes when he handed the baby back to his wife, wondering if he was going to be involved in naming their child this time or not. More memories assaulted him at the thought and he was forced to slowly retire to the corner of the room, trying to push everything away as Ox-King stayed by Chi-Chi's bedside instead of him. Squatting down against the wall, alone in the dark and separated from the event that was meant to be joyous and exciting, Goku clenched his hands and very quietly fell apart.


	2. Part 2

**The Unimaginable Part 2/5**

 **Pairing:** Goku x Chi-Chi

 **Words:** 2,348

 **AU Divergence Point:** Gohan dies against Cell, instead of Goku

 **A/N:** I went numb writing this so I have no idea if any feelings come through like they did originally.

~!~

Two years after Gohan's death, the grief was still present, still strong, still near impossible to escape. Goku still spent his days outside the house, but it became less about wandering around aimlessly and more about finding specific activities to distract his thoughts. Fishing, for example, was a great distraction.

And yet…

He ended up finding a familiar lake in a familiar field where everywhere he looked brought a mixture of pain and longing. Of all the places he could go, he seemed to gravitate to anywhere the memories haunted him. Wearing comfortable, casual clothes like his black and orange jacket only helped to reinforce the images in his mind where he was reminded of those peaceful days before Cell, but he couldn't seem to pull away. Two years and he still felt trapped in a cycle, forcing himself to hold on and remember every little special moment he'd shared with his firstborn son.

He didn't have the energy to fish like he normally did, either. No stripping down. No jumping in the water to catch the big ones. He barely felt like _doing_ anything, so he set up fishing rods like the average person and laid down in the grass to wait.

Maybe he did all these things to torture himself. Maybe he just wanted to pretend that Gohan was still alive. Out here in the quiet all alone, he could do just that. He could glance to the side and picture Gohan laying down a few feet away from him with his own fishing rod, smiling and enjoying the relaxing sunlight and silence.

"You have a little brother now, you know," he mumbled into the whispering breeze. "I want to say he's a lot like you, but heh, he's really not. Kinda reminds me of me to be honest."

Where Gohan had been a loud baby and a quiet toddler, Goten had shown to be just the opposite. Quiet and easygoing and simple to deal with as a baby, especially if he got his food on time, but once Goten could walk and talk he was always demanding attention. He had no problem interacting with Goku's friends, and he explored whatever he was allowed to explore, getting into anything and everything like Chi-Chi had tried to warn would happen with Gohan those first few years.

"I guess a year and a half isn't really much to judge him on, though," Goku continued, trying to laugh as he imagined what Gohan's reactions would have been to the news of a little brother. "Your mother isn't really as protective as she was with you. I don't get it. I expected her to be even more protective considering...well...she doesn't really leave him alone with me, but I can't blame her for that. He is still pretty young. Maybe one day I'll get to bring him out here, just like we used to -"

"Hey, Goku, who're you talking to, buddy?"

Krillin's voice and appearance snapped him out of his thoughts, causing the memory to fade and leave him to face the reality of Gohan's death once again. He sat up slowly, hands gripping into the grass, trying hard not to think too much about the ghost images he had imagined. A part of him knew he came out here just to strike up the painful memories, to pretend he could reach Gohan in those special places. He didn't actually believe Gohan could hear him – after all, Goku knew firsthand what really happened when you died – but it still eased the ache to _talk_ like he could.

Turning to Krillin, he tried a smile, dropping it the second he recognized how forced it would be and how his best friend would know in an instant. "Oh, hey, Krillin. What are you doing here?"

His friend shrugged, walking over to sit down next to him in the grass. "Just checking up on you, buddy."

"Oh, I'm fine," Goku said. "Just sitting out here fishing."

"And talking to yourself."

Goku shrugged, turning his attention to the waters of the lake. There wasn't really anything he could say to that statement. It was true. He didn't see why Krillin worried over it, but he had no reason to deny when he'd clearly been caught.

Staring at the reflection on the lake water, he pushed the ache further inside and mumbled. "It helps."

A sigh met him in response, followed by the distinct _plop_ that occurred when Krillin threw a small rock into the lake. "Have you tried talking to Chi-Chi at all?"

"About Gohan?" He was already shaking his head even as he regretted saying the name out loud because of the pain it brought with it. "No, she barely talks to me as it is."

"Still?" Krillin exclaimed. "I thought she stopped ignoring you months ago!"

"Heh, not really," he muttered as he continued to stare at the lake's reflective surface; something about that water was nice and calming and he didn't want to look away. "She talks to me sometimes, but it's not much. I don't blame her, though."

Next to him, Krillin sighed again. "Of course you don't, but I don't like it. Two years is a long time to go without communication. You guys really need to talk about it."

Goku frowned as he put his hands behind his head and sank back down into the grass. He shifted his gaze from the lake to the sky above. Maybe Krillin was right. Maybe he needed to try harder to talk to Chi-Chi, but he just didn't have the heart to push her into anything right now. If she wanted to ignore him for years to come, he would let her. He was responsible for Gohan's death. Nothing he said would ever change that; he doubted he could ever say or do anything to heal the hole or fix the rift between them now.

As if sensing his mood, Krillin took the silence as an opportunity to change the subject. "How's Goten doing?"

At the name of his second son, Goku closed his eyes and smiled. "He's doing great. Walking and talking and more active than even Gohan was at that age."

The pain hit him hard as he envisioned his firstborn at that young age. Chi-Chi had pushed Gohan into studying from an early age, following the books and guidelines she could find to make sure he was learning everything he could at the appropriate times. Which left Gohan to sit around and explore books and puzzles instead of exploring the outdoors the way Goten did.

In a quick change of subject, Goku pushed the ache to the side again and forced his thoughts elsewhere. "You wanna stay for dinner? Chi-Chi always cooks more than we really need and Goten loves having visitors."

"Uh. Yeah. Sure," Krillin said amid nervous laughter. "As long as you're sure your wife won't mind."

Opening an eye, Goku turned a curious glance to his friend. "Huh? Why would she mind? You've come over plenty of times."

Krillin held up his hands. "Yeah, but, this is -"

Goku blinked. "It's what?"

"Nothing," Krillin said quickly, lowering his hands back to his lap before mumbling. "I just don't want to add any tension to your household."

Goku winced when he heard his friend's words. Since when had his house been considered anything less than warm and welcoming? Before Cell, Krillin had been visiting without any problem, and before that even someone like Piccolo had spent time with his family. Chi-Chi had always accepted Goku's friends into their house without complaint (though she did ask for an explanation at times). To think Krillin would be worried about creating tension…

How things had changed.

"It's fine," Goku muttered, even as he stared up at the clouds in the sky and second guessed his own assurance. "It'll be fine."

~!~

For the most part, it _was_ fine.

When Krillin followed him into the house, Chi-Chi offered a welcoming smile for the family friend, though it did seem fake and forced. Goku missed the smiles she used to give, the ones where she was really happy. With Goten, those smiles would surface occasionally, but they were still so much rarer than he ever expected or wished from her.

Then again, he was pretty sure his own grins looked just as forced. There was a reason Krillin continued to visit and check in on him and Chi-Chi. Nothing had felt the same, been the same, since Gohan's death. Even with Goten around to help brighten the room, the house felt a little too dim and empty to really be _his_.

"Hey, Krillin," Chi-Chi said as she dried her hands on a towel, being in the middle of preparing supper. "You seem nervous. Did something happen?"

With a blink, Goku turned to his friend, wondering why Krillin would still be on edge. There wasn't really that much tension in his house, was there? Even if Chi-Chi barely acknowledged him, things didn't feel _that_ bad. Then again, his feelings were all numbed down so he couldn't give an accurate assessment.

Krillin did lift his hands and shake his head. "Oh, no, nothing's happened. I just – uh – wasn't sure you'd be okay with me dropping in so unexpectedly."

"Oh, that's not a problem at all," Chi-Chi said. "You're always welcome and we tend to have leftovers all the time anyway."

Goku smiled lightly at his wife's open hospitality. Even if she was bitter towards him, she didn't let it affect how she treated anyone else. Sliding his hands into his pockets, he hovered in the kitchen in silence. Chi-Chi spared a glance to him, and her eyes made him wince, his heart aching to see the pain she was still so clearly hiding and shoving to the side. They were both doing such a good job pushing through the days even as the grief consumed them.

As she turned back to her dinner preparations, Goku sighed. "Where's Goten?"

Sometimes he was able to earn words from her when he asked a question, but he had no such luck this time – mainly because the child himself came wobbling into the room. "Daddy, Daddy! Lookie!"

Squatting down, Goku looked into the energetic, excited eyes of the toddler, and he smiled. "Hey, Goten, whatcha got there?"

Goten held up his clasped hands and grinned back as if he were hiding some secret. An ever curious child, there was no telling what Goten had found or what he wanted to share. Leaving the boy alone to explore anything usually meant he'd get into trouble or find his way to something least expected.

Needless to say as Goku eyed his son's closed hands, he was mostly curious himself to see what the energetic child had found this time. When Goten giggled and opened his hands, Goku had about a second to react before three little bugs hopped into his face. Eyes widening, Goku lost his balance and fell back as the bugs – _crickets_ – hopped around the kitchen floor amid the sound of Goten's laughter.

As he blinked and tried to normalize his surprised heartbeat, Goku cracked a grin at his son. "Oh, you think that's funny, do you?"

Goten simply grinned back and clapped his hands, as if celebrating a successful prank. Big, bright eyes looked to him, lighting up the room in their childish joy. All while those three crickets hopped freely around the kitchen, though a quick glance over his shoulder showed Krillin taking a moment to gather them up without even being asked.

"Goku..."

Feeling his breath catch, he turned his gaze to his wife. Hearing his name on her lips brought too many feelings and thoughts to the surface. Even if she did talk to him occasionally now, she rarely used his name so openly. In fact, he couldn't remember the last time she had…

"Would you clean Goten up and get him ready for dinner?"

She wasn't looking at him even as she spoke, but he stared at her back anyway. Stared at her as she shuffled around to finish preparing their supper, as he let the shock and pain wash away, as he got to his feet and let a small smile grace his own lips.

"Yeah," he said when he could finally choke the words out. "Sure thing."

Forgiveness wasn't something he expected or even something he thought he deserved, but maybe Krillin was right. Maybe they should try harder to bridge the gap. Maybe they should talk about Gohan instead of letting the ghost hover around unacknowledged. He still wanted to give Chi-Chi all the time in the word, anything she wanted or needed, but the absence of silence was a step in the right direction.

A glance to the side let him catch Krillin's encouraging gaze and Goku kept his small smile as he shrugged and then turned to pick up the son who helped brighten the dim house whether he realize it or not. "All right, Goten, time to get ready for dinner."

"Yeah!" Goten exclaimed as he held to Goku with one hand and pumped his fist in the air with the other. "Food time!"

Goku's laughter filled the house in response. "Yeah, that's right. You like food almost as much as I do, huh?"

Beside him, Krillin joined in the laughter. "Well, if that's true I don't see how you guys ever have enough food."

"Oh, you know how it is," Chi-Chi added, her gaze finding Goku's for a brief second before quickly shifting back to her work. "We manage."

The choice of words caused an ache to surface and Goku felt his smile twitch, even as he silently agreed. He tried not to imagine Gohan sitting patiently at the table. Tried not to pretend to hear his firstborn son's laugh adding to the round of family fun. He turned back to Goten, to the son he had that would never meet his older brother, and he forced the smile to stay even as his vision blurred for a moment.

Chi-Chi was right. They managed.


	3. Part 3

**The Unimaginable Part 3/5**

 **Pairing:** Goku x Chi-Chi

 **Words:** 2,751

 **AU Divergence Point:** Gohan dies against Cell, instead of Goku

 **A/N:** I wanted to respond to each review individually and thank you for the kind words and great reactions, but I not only had to rush around for work I ended up getting sick so now, eh. BUT I did want to say something in response to KawaiPanda as far as showing more of Chi-Chi (and I wanted to address it here b/c it's a GREAT point and I wanted a chance to explain myself). This is much more focused on Goku (because we very rarely if ever see him break down in series and it's a crazy concept to explore and delve into; whereas we DO see Chi-Chi's emotional side and reactions in series). That being said, there's also a story-structure reason for it. One, since it's only 5 chapters long I'd like to keep to one character as much as possible for a stronger connection. Two, I've already written everything so I can't easily go back and add / change anything. Three, there's kind of a problem of them not talking to each other and showing both viewpoints, while sometimes a good device, wouldn't work as well here. (For the record - I'm not trying to sound defensive or anything; I actually do just like explaining why I do things a certain way sometimes - as long as I can do so without giving away any spoilers). Also - as long as we're in Goku's head, he's kiiiiiind of avoiding Chi-Chi because of the tense, awkward atmosphere, so there's even a reason for not showing her on screen even with Goku's pov.

~!~

Time passed. Days, weeks, months, _years_. Whispers of Gohan floated in the air between them, but no real discussion ever took place. The pain, the numbness, the distance – it was all becoming normal.

Thanks to Goten, smiles and laughter echoed in his house again, but the dark cloud always crept back in eventually. Goku spent more time indoors than he did at first. A scheduled morning workout sneaked back into his routine, followed by breakfast with his family, and then playtime with his son. Chi-Chi kept her distance but she acknowledged his presence more often; she even conversed with him about the option of training Goten when he was old enough (which took Goku completely by surprise but he wasn't about to say no to such a thing).

She wanted Goten to learn enough to protect himself from an average danger. She made it clear that he wasn't ever going to be allowed to join Goku and his friends on a battlefield, but there was nothing wrong with learning basic martial arts. Apparently, she didn't have the heart to confine Goten to a life of studies, and she did heavily emphasize the idea that she wouldn't force Goten into anything – once he learned the basics at least.

What this meant was that Goku was allowed – and even encouraged – to take Goten out with him for any training he felt like doing. Although Goku had started working the fields outside their house at Chi-Chi's request, he didn't work every day and on the days he didn't work he usually broke away for a few hours of training on his own. Getting back into his martial arts felt good, if a little rough at times.

Having Goten with him both helped and hurt the ache such an activity brought. It was all too easy to imagine a five or six year old Gohan with him instead of the three year old Goten. Chi-Chi even made them matching _gi_ for the occasion, staying away from the idea of giving Goten any of Gohan's old clothes. Old clothes that they couldn't throw away or look at even after all these years…

Goku sighed as he shook his head and pulled away from the dismal thoughts. Straightening up from his stretches, he smiled as he watched his second son working hard to match him. Goten noticed his gaze, looked up, and grinned, hands going behind the wild hair that was a mirror of his own.

Even if the household was quiet, Goten didn't notice. The boy didn't really know any better, so how could he? To him, the distance between his parents was normal. To him, there was no emptiness in the family. Had they even told Goten about his brother, yet? Goku frowned at the thought, his eyes unfocusing as he tried to recall such an instance. Surely one of them had or at the very least Goten had asked about a picture. Except most of their family pictures had been hidden away, as with anything that would remind them of Gohan outright. Maybe Goten still didn't know.

Goku felt his stomach flip at the thought. How was he supposed to tell him, though? He still couldn't talk to Chi-Chi about Gohan. How could he -

"Daddy, Daddy," Goten's voice came to him as if through a fog. "Daddy, can we, can we -"

Looking down at his son as Goten tugged at his pants, Goku smiled. "Can we what, Goten?"

"Can we visit Mr. Piccolo?"

Bright, hopeful eyes gazed up at him, even as Goku felt his heart skip a beat at the question. Over the years, the grief had grown easier to push aside. After all, it was now almost a part of him, a part that would never go away. Just like the sudden flashes of memories would never stop, each hurting the same as it did the first time he encountered it.

For a moment, he could picture Gohan in Goten's place, looking up with the same hopeful gaze, asking the same question. He supposed it was no surprise that Goten would ask about the Namekian friend. Piccolo had come by to visit the boy ever since he was born, as if he too was searching for a way to overcome the loss they all felt. As if Goten was the brightest way to fill the emptiness in their lives.

"S-sure," Goku managed a nod. "Let's go ask your mother first, though."

Goten grinned and nodded. "Yeah!"

Before Goku could comment further, his boy turned around and rushed off through the grass into the forest toward the house. He crossed his arms and laughed, enjoying the sight of all that energy bouncing through the wilderness. Of course, he didn't stand still for long, being quick to follow his son, keeping a close eye on the rambunctious child as they made their way home.

If he ever let anything happen to Goten, he was pretty sure his world would crack beyond repair.

~!~

At first, he was sure taking the nimbus was inviting the most painful memory. After Chi-Chi approved their little visit to the Lookout, Goten asked about riding the family cloud, so of course Goku decided to grant the boy's request. He was not prepared for the flashes of long lost memories.

 _Of Gohan sitting in his lap –_ right where Goten sat now.

 _Of Gohan laughing as they passed through clouds in the sky_ – much as Goten did now.

 _Of Gohan reaching for the birds they passed_ – exactly like Goten did now.

It was too much, but he used the excuse of the ride to hold Goten close and not say a word. His son was none the wiser, and by the time they reached Korin's Tower, the minimal tears had vanished. Nowadays, the grief always came in short, sudden kicks to the stomach, always with an event that reminded him of the times he'd shared with his firstborn – and the times he had lost when Cell ended his life.

Above Korin's Tower, the Lookout hung in the sky, and once the nimbus reached their destination, Goku jumped from the fluffy yellow cloud with Goten in his arms. Piccolo was nowhere to be seen, though Goku could sense the Namekian in the area. Mr. Popo, however, was in the middle of watering the flowers nearby when Goku landed.

"Oh, Goku," Mr. Popo said. "I didn't expect to see you here."

"Yeah, well," Goku responded with a shrug. "Goten wanted to visit."

Visit and not be held like Gohan would have wanted, apparently, as Goten was already struggling to break loose. "Daddy, le' me go!"

With a sigh, Goku obliged the outgoing boy, setting him on the tiles to run around as he pleased. "Stay close, Goten, and be careful about the edges."

"I know, Daddy," Goten assured, as he held his arms out and started running in small circles and loops around the Lookout. "I'm careful."

Keeping his eye on his son, Goku nodded and muttered. "I know you are; I'm sorry I'm on edge all the time."

He'd never been this worried over Gohan's safety. Well, this over protectively worried. He'd trusted and believed in his son to be able to handle himself in most situations. After all, a young Gohan had often wandered from home to accidentally get lost and explore the forest. And everything had been fine.

After what had happened with Cell, though…

"So, Goku," the appearance of Piccolo walking from the inside of the Lookout snapped his attention back to the present. "What are you doing here on the eve of Gohan's birthday?"

For a brief moment in time, the world dropped away from him. Too many things hit him all at once and he wavered in place as his body temporarily numbed in defense from the pain. Of course Piccolo would remember Gohan's birthday. Of course the green man would remind him of it in such a casual, yet somehow heated manner. Of course he would use Gohan's name and let it hang in the air as if Goku was the one failing to accept the boy's death.

Well, maybe he was, but -

"Daddy?" Goten's voice this time and a hand tugging at his pants. "Who's Gohan?"

His stomach lurched at the question, and he brought a hand up to his head because he needed something to grab a hold of, somewhere to rest his trembling fingers. Riding Nimbus with Goten was hard enough. Facing Piccolo...Not even realizing what day it was...Hearing his son question about…

Long green fingers snatched at the collar of his _gi_ , surprising him as he was forced to face Piccolo's ire. "You haven't told him about Gohan? You're seriously avoiding the subject so much you can't even tell your other son about the brother he'll never meet?"

"Brother?" Goten said into the fog surrounding him. "Mr. Piccolo, what are you talking about?"

Goku opened his mouth, tried to speak, closed it when he couldn't find the words. He held his hands up defensively, but the tremble still existed in his fingers. He was avoiding Piccolo's eyes, looking anywhere but at the Namekian who had been so close to Gohan. His eyes found Goten, saw the curious, lost look on the young boy, and in an accidental move he raised his gaze to finally face the Namek.

Instantly, he regretted the action. Memories filled him, but unlike the happy ones of Gohan's younger days, these carried something more. Harsh reminders of the day he'd had to come to terms with his son's death. A dark replay of the moment he lost his last thread of hope.

 _Of him facing Piccolo on the Lookout after the battle. "There has to be something! You and Kami were split before – can't you do it again?"_

 _Of Piccolo glaring at him inches away and ripping his hope out from under him. "No. I told you already it's not possible. I'm not going to explain again."_

 _Of the realization slowly sinking in. "But Gohan's dead. There has to be something...My son..."_

 _Of Piccolo calling him out. "It's your own fault! You pushed him to fight Cell. I told you he wasn't like you – even if he had the power and potential, he wasn't a fighter. And look what happened because you pushed him out there anyway. You killed him – all while you had the ability to beat Cell on your own."_

" _No!" A quick correction, a fierce denial. "I didn't have that until after it happened. That's what...that's how it unlocks...I couldn't have beaten Cell beforehand, but Gohan could have. He just..."_

 _Piccolo's heated reminder. "It's still your fault. And there's no bringing him back, Goku."_

 _A slow, dawning acceptance of all the pain as the denial, as the hope, dwindled away; he could remember sinking down to the steps as the world swam around him. "How am I gonna tell Chi-Chi?"_

"Goku!" The voice, the shove backwards as he stumbled to stay on his feet. "Are you even listening?"

Blinking in the sunlight of the present, he faced his old Namekian friend and forced the images of the past to the side. "Yeah, sorry, I kind of lost myself for a second there."

"Daddy!" Goten's insistent voice clambered next to him, determined to cling and tug and ask the same painful question as before. "Tell me. Who's Gohan?"

He bit his lip. Looked to Piccolo as if begging for help. On the long list of things Goku was brave enough to face and conquer, this was not one of them. Talking about Gohan, saying his name, thinking about him, all of it was still too damn painful. He couldn't handle…

"Don't look at me," Piccolo said, turning away, his cape kicking up in the breeze. "That's your responsibility as a parent. You answer him."

"But, I -" Ashamed at how unstable his own voice was, Goku felt his panic rise. Placing two fingers to his forehead, bending down to grab Goten's arm, he thought of _her_ and suddenly he was back home in the kid's bedroom. "Chi-Chi."

She turned with a gasp. "Goku!"

A pile of pictures surrounded her on the floor of Goten's bedroom. A stack of boxes sat beside her, some open. Her hair looked a little disheveled even in its bun with all the loose strands poking out here and there. Her clothes were in about the same shape, a small smudge of flour on the side of her dress, some remnant she had yet to notice from her cooking adventure of the day.

It was her eyes that caught his and held him frozen, though. His heart pounded when he noticed something he hadn't seen in year. A spark of warmth when she looked to him, a softening in her gaze once the shock over his sudden appearance faded. Still small, though. Nothing like the trust and love she used to show, but there _was_ an improvement. A step in the right direction.

Maybe forgiveness was a possibility after all…

...not that he deserved such a thing.

"Mommy," Goten said, popping the bubble of silence as he found and held up one of the scattered pictures. "Who's this?"

Chi-Chi's eyes left his to face the picture Goten had found. He watched as her gaze shifted through a myriad of emotions. The dark eyes even glanced up at him, quietly tugging him over to where she sat on the ground. As she pulled Goten into her lap, Goku sat down close to her without breaking the little invisible wall she'd thrown up between them, though he did lean in so he could see the picture in question.

Immediately, his breath caught in his throat. "Gohan."

The whispered name earned a jolt from Chi-Chi and a curious tilt of the head from Goten. "Who's Gohan?"

"Your brother," Chi-Chi choked out surprisingly quickly. "Gohan is your brother."

Goten blinked, frowning at the picture in his hand. "I have a brother? Where is he?"

Silence answered the boy as neither Goku nor Chi-Chi had the heart to continue the conversation. Goku's heart was already hammering in his chest, fighting the urge to pull away from the family so he could wrap himself in memory and deny the truth. Saying the truth out loud would mean they'd accepted it...but not only that, it would somehow be more _real_. More real, even, then the absence they already experienced.

Closing his eyes, Goku took a breath and forced the words out, somehow managing to keep his voice from cracking. "Goten. Your brother...died...before you were born."

"Oh," Goten said. "What's...died?"

Before Goku could work himself up to respond, Chi-Chi took a shaky breath of her own and let the words go. "Gohan's dead, honey. It means he was here, but he's not here anymore. And he's never coming back."

Apparently they were taking turns in explaining the painful truth. Goten shifted in his mother's lap and her hands let go to allow him to climb out. Watching as Goten crawled around to the different pictures, Goku instinctively moved in closer to his wife. He reached a hand out to touch her but let it hover in the air at the edge of her skin before dropping his hand to the floor beside her instead.

"Mommy," Goten said as he rummaged through one of the open boxes. "Is this Gohan's?"

A hand landed on Goku's and he blinked at the feel, turned wide eyes to his wife.

But Chi-Chi was busy staring at and answering their child. "Yes, that all belongs to him."

"Chi-"

Goku's whisper cut off when he saw her shake her head. She did glance to him and her hand rubbed against his. He looked down between them to watch her fingers threading through his. How long had it been since she'd reached for him? Outside of those few moments when she broke down in bed, their contact had been all but non-existent.

And yet…

"Mommy," Goten called again. "Can I look at everything?"

With a soft smile and tears brimming in her eyes, Chi-Chi turned to Goku. Their gazes locked. Goku opened his mouth to ask a question but thought better of it and decided to just stare back at her in silence. As her answer to Goten left her lips, Goku blinked and then smiled because it almost sounded like an answer to his own unspoken question. Especially when she gently squeezed his hand in time with her words.

"Yes, you may."


	4. Part 4

**The Unimaginable Part 4/5**

 **Pairing:** Goku x Chi-Chi

 **Words:** 2,890

 **AU Divergence Point:** Gohan dies against Cell, instead of Goku

 **A/N:** I'm not crying, you're crying.

~!~

They spent most of the day going through all of Gohan's things one by one. Mostly because Goten would pull something out and ask about it. Which meant they were forced to talk about anything and everything related to Gohan. Although they didn't share any stories and simply kept to the facts as best they could, Goku felt a small weight of tension leave his body once they finished.

Krillin had been right. Talking about Gohan helped. In fact, once the initial pain wore off, it helped a lot. Some of the feelings were out in the open at last. The slow process had begun, the process of accepting that Gohan really was gone and he really wasn't coming back and they would have to move on without him. It hurt to say his name, it hurt to hear it said so freely and openly, but it also felt good to be able to say something that had been so off limits for so long.

Once night fell and Goten had been put to bed, Goku looked back on the day and realized something else, too. Not only had he felt more relaxed, but Chi-Chi had seemed more at ease as well. She was closer, holding his hand, rubbing his arm, saying his name, talking to him. The rift was fading. Slowly, ever so slowly, they were mending what had been broken.

Of course, it didn't last indefinitely. He never expected everything to just suddenly go back to normal, but he took every little thing she was willing to give and he responded in kind. When they climbed into bed, he wanted to see if she would cuddle but she quickly rolled over and turned her back to him. He reached out to rub her side, but her instant tension made him pull back and resign to sleep alone even with her laying so close, as had become the norm.

Still, Chi-Chi had allowed more contact than ever before since Gohan's death, so whether or not he was denied now, Goku had to let a little smile grace his lips as he fell asleep in the quiet night. One slow step at a time. Not only did he now know that mending their relationship was possible, he was determined to do everything in his power to fill the rest of the hole.

He had a goal.

~!~

The next day, Goku stood in the middle of Capsule Corporation, holding Goten and talking to Bulma. His first friend had her blue hair cut short and she was covered in little dark smudges as if she had been working on some mechanical project. Goku knew that Vegeta lived here now and trained constantly in the special gravity chamber, but Goku wasn't here to poke the other Saiyan today. Thankfully, since Gohan's death, Vegeta had left him alone, no longer begging for a rematch as he knew Goku wouldn't be in full top form for a while yet. At least, that's what Bulma told him.

She was just as talkative as he remembered, too. "So, you want me to keep watch on Goten for a few days?"

Goku nodded. "Yeah. That's not a problem, is it? I kinda need some time alone with Chi-Chi."

"Daddy, le' me go," Goten whined, trying to climb out of Goku's hold. "I wanna see Trunks."

Laughing at his kid's eagerness, Goku shook his head. "Hang on a sec, Goten."

"Aww..."

As Goten pouted but stilled his struggles, Goku smiled and turned his focus back to Bulma. She had a cigarette in hand but she hadn't lit it yet, being focused on the boy in Goku's arms. After a moment, she put the cigarette to the side and gave a sigh as she placed a hand on her hip.

"Well, Trunks would love the playmate," Bulma said. "These two get along surprisingly well."

"Yeah," Goku murmured with a nod. "I know Chi-Chi's dropped him off here before so -"

"Oh, it's not a problem at all, Goku. You can let him roam around now, if you want."

At Bulma's permission, Goten struggled to break free again and this time Goku let him go without a fight. He cracked a laugh at his son's instant excitement at being free to run, though his laughter died when Goten looked around and then rushed off down a seemingly random hallway.

Taking a step, Goku held his hand out at his disappearing son. "Ah. Wait. Goten -"

"Relax, Goku," Bulma reassured, deciding to light her cigarette now that the young child was out of the picture. "He knows where he's going. Trunks is down that way. They'll entertain each other in no time and the worst trouble they can get into is finding Vegeta when he's in a mood."

Straightening back up, Goku turned to her, unsure what to do with all these relentless protective urges. "Uh. You sure?"

"Trust me, Goku," Bulma said, somewhat sternly. "I know how to kid-proof my own house. They'll be fine. You just go on and take however long you need with Chi-Chi."

With a blink, he gave a nod and brought two fingers to his forehead, trusting his friend to watch his son as he focused on his wife. "Right. Thanks, Bulma."

"Good luck," she added. "I hope you two find a way to work things out. I was wondering if you would ever get around to trying."

Not sure how to respond, Goku offered her a hesitant, twitching smile. Apparently, everyone had been waiting for _him_ to do something to fix his own relationship. He didn't understand the logic, but he sure had heard it enough over the years. Giving Chi-Chi time and space was all well and good, but not branching out for so many years was somehow _his_ fault. Not that he had any problem taking the blame, he just didn't understand why everyone put that expectation on him.

Well, now he was doing something, now he was trying, but only because Chi-Chi had reached out first. Yesterday had been the beginning of their attempts to heal. Goku was just going to use the next few days to build on the little he was already given.

At least his friends were supportive, even if their advice proved how little they really understood. It was the thought that counted. So, as he locked onto his wife's _ki_ and prepared to jump to her, Goku gave a grateful smile to his friend.

Considering he was planning to do exactly what they'd all pushed him to do, maybe they had been right all along.

~!~

The first day alone with her was spent at their house. He stayed indoors the whole time and watched her work. Stayed close when she took a break. Hovered without a word as she busied herself with one task or another.

Oh, he kept his distance, and they spoke a few times. Nothing was said about Gohan. Though they both knew what this little time was for, it still seemed early and it was hard to broach the subject.

So they talked about Goten instead.

Goku didn't care. As long as he could hold conversation with his wife, he knew he was making progress. They shared a few stories of Goten's antics, laughing over dinner. Talking, laughing, earning genuine smiles from his wife. It all helped to push him forward. He could do this. They could do this.

~!~

The second day he took her out. A date of sorts for just the two of them. Though Goku's idea wasn't anywhere near the conventional thought, they were still spending time together. And he was forcing the memories of their early years as newlyweds and before to come to the surface.

He wanted to remind her of the fun they'd had. He wanted her to remember why she had dragged him into this marriage in the first place. They'd been young, but close. Inexperienced but determined. Innocent but open.

She sat behind him on Nimbus as he took her around the world and back. To an island cave where they'd discovered a fire-eater's feathers could not be caught. To the remnants of a hot spring village inhabited by pigs just like Oolong. To a mountain that caused a blizzard anytime the hint of a female came close. All the silly little adventures from before their marriage.

By the end of the day, her arms had encircled him, as she leaned against his back and commented about his warmth. When she talked to him about their other little adventures at the house, he smiled. Another weighted chip lifted from his soul and he welcomed the closer cuddling she decided to give from then on, especially when it lasted long into the night.

Maybe this was working. Still no mention of Gohan, but he could practically feel their relationship healing now. He did have to hold his breath, though, for fear of losing everything in one stroke with his plans for tomorrow.

~!~

On the third day, Goku brought Chi-Chi out to a sparkling lake, helping her jump from Nimbus into a field of flowers. He watched her closely this time as she glanced around, feeling her hand squeeze tightly into his when she spied the familiar apple tree.

"Goku, what -"

"Hey, Chi," he said softly. "You remember this place, right?"

Her eyes narrowed, turned to him sharply. "Of course I remember!"

She didn't say all that she remembered, but Goku could see it in her eyes. She was recalling everything he hoped she would, and it was bringing all the pain such memories brought to them both. Oh, this particular field had several moments for the both of them. A place where they'd spent time sharing apples as children. A place where they'd later made love to each other in the grass out among the nature before such rules of keeping it in the bedroom existed. A place where -

"How dare you!" Chi-Chi shouted and Goku wilted back as she snatched her hand harshly away from his. "How dare you bring me here now."

Stepping back from her fierce gaze, Goku held up his hands defensively as he opened his mouth to explain. "Chi-Chi, wait, calm down."

"Don't you tell me to calm down!" She snapped, her hands clenching, her body dropping into an old but familiar stance. "You know exactly what you're doing. I can't believe you would bring me here on _purpose._ "

Eyes widening, Goku soon found himself on the defensive end of his wife's frustrated, angry attacks. He dodged, slid back, jumped, ducked, everything he needed to do to both avoid her aggressive behavior as well as avoid any move that would actually involve him fighting back. No, he backed away, not unlike the time they'd fought at the tournament.

For a moment, he drifted to that day, seeing the same fire in her eyes that had been so unknowingly attractive the first time. And then his back hit a tree trunk and he grimaced as he had to face his still fuming wife. "Chi-Chi, hold on. Please just -"

Her hand came for his face. He tilted his head to the side and heard the _thunk_ of Chi-Chi's punch hitting the tree trunk right beside his head. Heart hammering, he bounced between wincing at her obvious ire and being somewhat worried that she was only going to hurt herself at this rate.

"This is where..." But then Chi-Chi's voice whispered, her body trembling. "This is where Gohan learned to walk. Right here. You led him around and had him walking to you in no time."

The memory was flooding out of her now and Goku felt his breath hitch when her tear-filled eyes caught and held his. "Chi-"

Pain smacked his cheek before he could blink. His wife pulled her hand back to her chest as she gasped for breath as if she'd expelled a lot of effort into the slap. For his part, Goku brought trembling fingers to his face and winced on contact. She'd actually hit him – and hard. As he blinked over at her, he kept himself from commenting on it. After all, it was probably for the best. There was no telling how long that urge, that frustration, had been building. Best to have it out now and be done with it.

"Gohan trusted you," Chi-Chi murmured, her shoulders shaking in her effort not to break down. "From the moment he met you, he trusted you. He respected you, had faith in you, loved you, _trusted_..."

The words cut him deeply. Coming from her, sounding so accusatory because if Gohan had shown all that trust look at where it got him. Beyond that, Chi-Chi had trusted him, too. They all had. He could gather trust like no one else.

But, clearly, he didn't deserve it.

Before he could melt inside himself, he noticed Chi-Chi dropping to her knees and covering her mouth. In an instant, aching or not, he knelt down in front of her, reaching out to maybe hold her and then hovering in the air as he waited to see what she would do.

To his great surprise, she sprang for him at the opportunity. Her face buried in his shoulder as her hands clung to his shirt. Her sobs tore into the air, hurting him all over again even though he knew it was best to let her cry it out now. Without a word, he rocked back to sit against the tree, arms wrapping around her as he pulled her with him, gently rubbing her back with the tips of his fingers.

"I miss him, Goku," Chi-Chi said in between her sobs. "I miss his smiles and his laughter. I miss his eyes and the way he'd look at me or at you. I – I miss him so much."

Feeling his breath come to him in short, rough jerks, Goku swallowed the lump in his throat and whispered. "I know, I know. I miss him, too."

"He was such a good kid."

"Yeah," Goku choked out, bending down to bury his face in her hair. "Yeah, he was."

"He'll never get to meet his little brother," Chi-Chi went on. "He would have made such a good older brother."

"Yeah..." Goku muttered, his vision blurring. "Chi-Chi, I'm so sorry."

"Huh?"

Her head lifted, and he had to glance away. "I know nothing will ever be enough of an explanation for what I did, but...I was so proud of him. I knew he could do so much more than me. He had it in him. I was so sure he was going to save the world and it was going to be amazing and -"

A finger covered his mouth, interrupting his attempt at an apology and he turned his eyes to her, stunned to see her smile. "It's all right, Goku. I forgive you."

"Huh? Just like that?"

"Well..." Chi-Chi bit her lip as her eyes drifted away for a moment. "It's been a slow process. I tried to forgive you years ago, but it wasn't easy. So, little by little I've been able to accept everything. And then the other day when Goten started asking questions...I realized I still needed you. I do still need you."

Tears slipped out of her eyes and Goku blinked away a few of his own. Her finger fell back to her lap but her gaze found his and held it captive. His heart hammered in his ears. Her special flowery scent suddenly assaulted him, the smell calling to him as if it had been under a screen and out of reach for so long. In a way, he must have closed himself off from her in the fear of getting too close before she was ready.

Only now…

Bringing a hand to her face, he gulped back the hesitation and smiled. "Chi-"

When she lifted her hand to the back of his neck and pulled him down into a long, deep, needy kiss on her own, he felt his world slide back into place. The cracks closed up, not in a perfect fix, but in a temporary repair that promised a better – but still not perfect – resolution in the future. For a moment in time, his heart could beat as it used to, the longing for contact, forgiveness, and love finally being satisfied.

When they broke apart, he could barely breathe. "Chi-Chi, I -"

"I love you, Goku," she interrupted. "I always have, I always will, and I've realized that getting through this loss will be a lot easier if we do it together."

Goku smiled, wrapping her in a close embrace. "Yeah. Together. Let's talk about Gohan together. Try to get it all out while it's still just the two of us."

"Okay," Chi-Chi murmured with uncertainly. "But I'm probably going to cry again if we do that."

"That's all right," Goku said. "You can cry all you want. I'm here for you."

"Yes, you are," Chi-Chi hummed, lifting her face from his chest as she tapped at his leg. "And I'm here for you, too. Don't you hold back, either. We do this together."

Giving a sheepish grin, Goku chuckled at his wife's insistence, grateful to have her back beside him after all these rough years alone. "Yeah. Together."


	5. Part 5

**The Unimaginable Part 5/5**

 **Pairing:** Goku x Chi-Chi

 **Words:** 2,502

 **AU Divergence Point:** Gohan dies against Cell, instead of Goku

 **A/N:**...I like writing children. It's a lot of fun. Uhm. Also. I could tell you all about the OC in here, but I'll just let you see for yourself.

-One guest asked about Future Trunks still being dead, and, well, I know I didn't show how the Cell fight played out, but Trunks was kinda shot AFTER Goku teleported Cell away and Cell came back. So. Considering Goku never Instant Transmissions away with Cell...things play out differently...yeh...

-Oh! As far as continuing this: I don't have any plans as of yet to re-write the Buu Saga sans Gohan. But the idea is there. Do you guys even realize the amount of things that would have to change? The amount of risk involved in writing something that would be so different? I'd even have a good excuse to flash back the Cell fight and show you how I envisioned it. But, like, the amount of work it would take to rewrite everything. Take Gohan out of the picture, a lot of stuff changes man. And then think of the stuff Goku doesn't know because he wasn't dead. So like...no SSJ3? No fusion to teach to anyone? Heck. There's. A lot. A lot a lot. It would be interesting to see how things would play out, but...gosh dang that worrrrrk. (Hold the phone everyone; Reda's whining again; sigh) So. Yeah. Well. It's in the idea book at least.

~!~

Seven years.

Seven years after Gohan's death and the ache in her heart refused to disappear. She had known it wouldn't. Grief over the loss of a child couldn't just cease completely. For years to come, she could expect to have many, many more moments of longing for the brighter days, of seeing flashes of memories when she least expected it.

Chi-Chi closed her eyes and breathed in the scent of the countryside. All around her were the comforting smells and sounds of the bright wilderness. A constant hum of noise from the nearby rushing waterfall. The occasional chirp of wandering birds. The whistle of soft gentle breezes wafting through the trees. And of course the pine smell from the forest, the one that reminded her so much of her husband.

Her husband who was currently playing with their children in the waters of the gentle river.

Chi-Chi smiled as she heard Goku's surprised yelp, followed by Goten's laugh that so matched his father's. Goku's little mirror image. Outgoing and adventurous, he was no doubt busy trying to tackle Goku into the water.

When she opened her eyes to watch them, she wasn't surprised at the image. Goku stood knee deep in the river, laughing as he held his arms out to either side. Goten was hanging from his right arm, but the little tike was swinging his legs toward his father and soon managed to actually grapple around Goku's torso, successfully changing his position. Goten grinned up at his father, who simply blinked, as if the boy had won some game in a completely unexpected way.

"Daaaaaaddy! Hug!"

On Goku's other arm, another child hung somewhat helplessly, kicking in the air. Their daughter, not even two years old, whined for attention while Goten scrambled around to cling to Goku's back instead.

Chi-Chi watched with a smile as her husband brought _her_ little mirror image in closer to give her exactly what she wanted. The black braid for the girl's hair frayed at the edges, now soaked and no doubt tangling up worse with all the horseplay those three were engaged in. Chi-Chi sighed. All that work and still her girl's tender head would not be happy later tonight when they sat down to brush through the long hair. One thing her boys never had to deal with – well, Gohan had experienced long hair for a few years, but Goten always had it easy. Little Chiya was just straight up out of luck, having inherited all of Chi-Chi's looks, on top of the little monkey tail that had always been absent with Goten.

"Goku!" Chi-Chi called, smiling when she got three pairs of dark eyes to look directly at her. "Why don't we call it a day? I'm feeling a little tired."

Almost instantly, Goku hopped out of the rushing water. At least the three of them were dressed in their swimsuits so there wouldn't be such a hassle cleaning clothes – or yelling at them to get dressed over their wet bodies. All she had to do was throw a couple towels at them and call it a day.

"Is everything all right, Chi-Chi?" Goku asked as he stood over her. "I can give you a little boost of energy if the baby's taking too much again."

Shaking her head, Chi-Chi set a hand on her pregnant belly and laughed. "No, that's not necessary, Goku. Not this time."

When she smiled up at him, she could see the fretting worry in his eyes, in the way he frowned as he stared not at her but at her bloated pregnant bump. She knew that look well. He'd given it to every child she ever carried, shortly followed by a light smile when he admitted to searching for the baby's _ki_ within her. Goku always kept an eye on their energy whenever she was pregnant, a habit that started after she first fainted while carrying Gohan. Though they hadn't known at the time, it took a lot out of her to be pregnant with a Saiyan's child because no matter how strong she was, she was still only human.

Of course that hadn't stopped them from repeating the process, as was made plainly obvious by the two children currently clinging to Goku even though he paid them no mind. Goten didn't care about the lack of direct attention. He was too busy climbing up Goku's back until he was settled on his father's shoulders, hands hanging to Goku's hair for balance. Chiya, meanwhile, was content just to be held, and her lazy tail confirmed her mood, too.

"Are you sure, Chi-Chi?" Goku asked. "I can at least help you up if we're going home now."

With a smile, she held out a hand to him. "That'd be nice."

Almost immediately, Goku bent down to set their daughter on the ground so he could grab both of Chi-Chi's hands. He pulled her up to her feet slowly and carefully, as if afraid the slightest wrong move would be disastrous, an over-protective quality he seemed to exhibit most strongly whenever she was pregnant. Of course, he showed the same protectiveness when it came to the children, moreso than he ever had with Gohan...probably _because of_ Gohan.

Chi-Chi closed her eyes to the memories. Letting go was the hardest part. Letting go of the pain and the sorrow, the betrayal and near hatred. It had torn her apart inside for years, and in doing so had left a gaping hole in her heart that would never quite be filled. But letting go, and letting Goku back into her life emotionally, had allowed for things to heal. Not a perfect fix – nothing could ever heal the loss perfectly – but with the help of her husband the grief was allowed to run its course and the _both_ of them were given the strength they needed to move on.

After all, life wouldn't stall out to wait for them and Goten was around to help brighten the days as well, to help fill that gaping hole enough so that other emotions could cross over. And then there was Chiya to add to the healing. And soon another.

Gohan would never be forgotten and the pain would never be gone completely, but they could laugh, and love, and live again. And somehow, holding Goku's hand, smiling at the joyous antics of the children around them, Chi-Chi knew it would be enough.

~!~

As the night fell around them, Chi-Chi lay on her side in their bed, smiling at the arm of her husband draped over her. Though he was fast asleep, Goku still snuggled up close behind her, resting his chin on her head, tucking her in against him. Almost like he was unconsciously making up for all the contact he'd been denied for years.

A part of her regretted her early bitterness, but even now she felt like her emotional reactions had been justified. It still hurt to think and know that her husband's own carelessness had led to Gohan's death. He'd put their baby in harm's way. Whether or not it had been because of pride or faith, Goku was still the one most responsible for allowing their son to die.

Oh, she had forgiven him for his bad judgment. She'd forgiven him for causing all that pain. Chi-Chi was no stranger to grief or death; she'd mourned Goku's death once before, but that had been rectified by the dragon balls. Having wishes available to undo the worst heartache had made the mourning process easier.

And then the dragon balls were gone. Wishes to undo everything were no longer available to them. Knowing that, she'd been apprehensive about sending Gohan with his father into battle. She'd been worried about all of them, but she held to the faith in her husband, trusting that he would keep Gohan safe no matter what.

Except.

He'd let her down. Gohan was dead. For good. Seven years without him and she was still growing used to the emptiness. Tears still filled her eyes at night as she thought about all she'd had and all she'd lost.

Accepting Goku back into her life had been the hardest but most necessary part of her grieving process. Admitting how much she needed him, that she needed him at all after what he had done. At times, the bitterness still crept into her heart, but after all these years Chi-Chi was able to push all the near-hatred away. Forgiveness felt better anyway. Having him back in her heart felt better. Holding him, loving him, working through everything together as they continued to raise their other children, continued on with life…

"Mommy!"

Heart leaping into her throat at Chiya's shriek, Chi-Chi sat up quickly in bed. She turned to her husband, but he was already throwing his legs over the side of the bed. Without even bothering to put his pants on – thank god he had his boxers – Goku rushed out of the room quicker than lightning. Even if he'd been the one asleep, a cry from their child had him up and running in no time at all, faster than anything Chi-Chi could manage, especially with her pregnant belly.

Still, she only allowed herself to breathe a little easier. While Goku rushed out to respond to Chiya's cry, Chi-Chi slipped into an appropriate nightgown and followed at a slower but still worried pace. There could be any number of reasons for the girl to scream like that, most of them nothing to be worried over. From a simple nightmare, to a spat with Goten, who shared the room and sometimes accidentally caused distress by arguing with his sister. Chi-Chi told herself everything would be fine. There was nothing to worry about. Chiya just -

When Chi-Chi turned the corner into the kid's bedroom, she blinked and let her breath out in a rush. Goku sat on the one bed (Chiya usually slept on a smaller futon on the floor). Goten sat beside him, hands in his lap and head down like he'd just been scolded for something. And Chiya sat in her father's lap, clinging and sniffing back little tears.

Chi-Chi stepped in slowly, getting three pairs of eyes to look toward her. "What happened?"

Goku blinked. "Oh. Chiya says she -"

"I saw a ghost, Mommy!" Chiya cried, leaning into Goku as if still wanting comfort, her tail dancing behind her. "I really did..."

Beside them, Goten mumbled. "I went Super when she screamed, but then – I dropped back to normal when she told me! Honest! And – and – I told her it was probably just Gohan wanting to visit anyway."

Putting a hand to her heart, Chi-Chi stumbled back a step to lean against the wall behind her. Her children hadn't ever met Gohan. They didn't know him. They only had pictures and stories and yet sometimes they would talk like they _had_ met him. Goten especially. The idea of her son's ghost wanting to visit his siblings made her heart ache and she glanced around the room slowly, ending at Goku's wavering smile and somewhat confused shrug.

Meanwhile, Chiya mumbled, "Why would Gohan care about me?"

"Because," Goten said, jumping to an answer before Chi-Chi could. "You have one of his books."

"Oh," Chiya said. "Should I give it back?"

Once again, before Chi-Chi could form a word to respond, she was interrupted. This time by Goku's laughter as it filled the air. "No, silly, you don't need to give it back. He probably just wanted to read to you."

"Really?"

With a nod, Goku ruffled Chiya's hair, and then picked her up as he got to his feet. "Yeah, really. I don't know how this ghost thing works, but if he's really there then there's no reason to be scared of him, okay? It's just your brother."

As much as Chi-Chi felt uncomfortable at the idea of a ghost of her son running around, her daughter seemed relieved at the explanation. Chiya even grinned and nodded and let Goku tuck her back under the covers without a problem. And once Chiya was settled, he turned to Goten, who grumbled as he climbed back into his own bed.

"You know," Goten mumbled. "I told her not to be scared."

"Yeah, I know," Goku said, grinning at their second son before giving a wink. "You're a good big brother. You just keep watching over your sister for me, okay?"

Goten's grin split his face as he nodded and settled back against his pillow. "Okay, Daddy! Goodnight!"

"Goodnight, Daddy!" Chiya echoed. "Goodnight, Mommy!"

As Goku walked over and gently grabbed her hand, leading her out of the room, Chi-Chi blinked out of her daze enough to turn a motherly smile to her children. "Goodnight, you two. Stay asleep this time, you hear me?"

"Yes ma'am!"

With that, Chi-Chi let Goku lead her out, watched him close the door, and then frowned when he put a hand near her shoulder and she felt him shaking. Still, he was the one who pulled her close and whispered. "You okay?"

At the question, she had to bite her lip. Pressed into his chest, she couldn't easily see his face, so she had to wonder if he was really asking for her benefit. Although the incident had shaken her, she had long grown accustomed to the way the two kids spoke of Gohan. That didn't mean the moments were heartache free, though.

"I'm okay," she murmured. "Are you?"

"Heh," Goku murmured back, burying his face in her as as he continued to hold her close. "Kinda hits hard to hear them talk about him, ya know?"

Humming against him, Chi-Chi reached around to give him a quick squeeze of a hug before she pulled back so she could look up into his shaking eyes. "You think it's possible?"

Goku blinked at the question, successfully distracted from whatever inner thoughts might have been tormenting him. "What? The ghost thing? I guess it could be. I mean, I didn't see anything like that when I was dead that one time, but I didn't have a chance to really explore everything. I think it's kinda weird, but I've seen a lot of weird things happen so -"

"Either way," Chi-Chi interrupted, giving a gentle smile. "It's a nice thing to imagine, isn't it?"

At first, Goku blinked down at her, as if he was confused at the statement, but then he closed his eyes and gave a light smile of his own. His arms pulled her in again and she let her head rest against his chest comfortably. He'd been there for her anytime she needed, even when she pushed him away. In return, she'd learned how to read when he needed her, too. So, she welcomed his embrace, careful as he was of her bloated belly, and she drowned herself in his scent as he no doubt did the same.

"Yeah," he whispered after a while into the silence. "Yeah, it is."


End file.
